This is too much. No More. No way am I going to take this without a fight to the death from this day forward. I'm not even supposed to be here still according to the deal we made, if one can call this a deal. I was never, ever, ever, ever, ever, ever supposed to be here. At no point during the last two years was there any purpose or need for me being ripped away from my life and the people who I love. They deceitfully kidnapped me in a surprise ambush for no other reason than because they could. They have enslaved me, attempted to brainwash me into believing that I deserve to be publicly condemned, segregated and tortured, and I am actively being trafficked at their whims for monetary gain and sadistic kicks. Now on top of every other disappointment, betrayal and loss that I have helplessly been forced to endure from the outset of this horrific nightmare, my companion of the last five years is also gone, at last. That is it! A violent death couldn't possibly hurt this much. No longer will I lie in fear, suffering silently as I wait for something… anything good to one day happen.

Starting right now with nowhere to go to and no discernible path to even there, its nine and a half months to one great friend and whatever else we can come up with. My abductors have done everything within their power to ensure that I will be regarded as the worst of the worst, the lowest of the low, the absolute scourge of the entire earth for the remainder of my life. By attaching dishonorable titles to my otherwise good name they are hoping to keep me isolated and dispirited so they can pluck me out of society and drop me right back down into their money making, human trafficking scheme at will. They have set me up for failure and to be marginalized, dehumanized, discriminated against, harassed, violated, hunted like a rabid dog, attacked, brutalized, broken and banished. Their traps are set and surround me in every direction. They have tried their damnedest to break me down into a totally ineffective, fine-grained powder of mistrust, confusion, humiliation, emasculation, worthlessness, hopelessness, self-destructive rage and irrecoverable psychological exhaustion. And now the devil is blowing on my every vulnerability with the awesome betrayal and abandonment of my former companion. The whole damn world is either betting against or trying to forget me now. Everyone but God and one my one great friend are just waiting for me to up and take flight in my super-taxed emotions and forever lose myself completely. Enough already. I know who I am. I believe in myself. None of what's happening to me with this imprisonment artifice bullcrap is in anyway necessary, productive, deserved or acceptable.

For more than 600 days I have spent every waking moment trying to turn all of this bad and ugliness into something of equal or greater good. With mental illness, personality disorders, encouraged racism and violence, and unimaginable dysfunction at every turn, I have stood up writing on the top bunk beds of at least a dozen different prison cells. While in sub 60 degree temperatures and without sunlight for weeks and months at a time, and wearing other people's hair and oils on poorly fitting clothing, and hearing more than a hundred troubled souls often crying out every sad, sick and evil pitch in concert, I have inched forward to the freedom and redemption in my mind each day through 12-18 hours of reading, writing, revising, copying and mailing code. While trapped in a cage with people who wouldn't shower or brush their teeth, people covered in feces, people who were severely schizophrenic, people whose logic was smothered by illiteracy and stunted life experience, people cutting themselves, people hanging themselves, people with mental disabilities being sexually assaulted, people threatening to kill me, people who have become institutionalized to the extent of no longer being people as much as predatorial, undomesticated beasts... Through it all I have continued studying web design languages and hand coding hundreds of pages for the purpose of becoming a champion of the cause that I am currently being persecuted in association with.

Things cannot keep getting worse forever. With enough love, prayer and persistence something positive will shake loose eventually. This is certainly what I believe despite the challenges. My one great friend and I have made significant progress in laying the groundwork for a website to help inform and protect victims on both sides of the type of crime that I have been convicted of. We are pretty beat up at the moment and could certainly use additional help. My heart is also ready for a fantastic woman who can help make it all better, who wouldn't mind being loved and appreciated to no end and who will stand by me and tell the whole world with passion, intrepidation and vigor that, "This is my guy!"